is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
