Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's rum buckets o'clock
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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