I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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