she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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