Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
