Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
