Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
