where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
