I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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