Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
