My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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