I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
