Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
