this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
