My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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