he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
