i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
