It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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