I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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