Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
