What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
