I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
