at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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