So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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