Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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