do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
then he tried to convert me to islam
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
