But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
