So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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