Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
