I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
