I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Houston, we have a squirter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
