Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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