I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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