You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
