Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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