Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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