that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
