I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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