Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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