I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
