I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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