I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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