Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
