Even the bartender felt bad for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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