There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
