Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
