Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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