It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
