At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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