so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
