You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
