It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
